Hello, Everyone. It is I.

Yesterday, I sat in the driver seat of my parents Ford freestyle for three hours. Why, you ask. Why. It's a long story.

For a while now, I've been looking fourward to some kind of break. A day, where I can do nothing but sit on the computer for hours making AMV's with Vegas, or game for ten hours straight, or sit in my room and draw, or watch a movie of some kind. Just a day off. I mean, I know that I get to do that stuff all week long, just not in long time incroments. I watch movies before I go to sleep, or to help me go to sleep. I draw after lunch for a couple minutes, sometimes. I use my computer time after school to use Vegas. But, it's never enough. It's always interrupted by something, and I never feel like I even took a break. It's like the days just mush together and relaxing time and working time become one. So, for a while now, I've been looking fourward to a nice Saturday. Just a day. But, I've been being employed to kid sit. It's not that I mind, I like kid sitting. The kids are great, and I like being with them. But this week, like I've said before, was going to be my weekened. But, according to Murphy's Law, I was employed. Saturday from one to five, I kid sat. I came home, after a long day of playing with a coupld of very boistrous kiddies, and found out that my family had had one of those relaxing days. You know, where you can do what you want. Normally, when we have those, my parents are doing stuff anyways, and it doesn't seem very relaxing, but this time, they all relaxed. I came home, and enjoyed the rest of the day. It was great. I mean, I had wished that I could have relaxed with them, but I enjoyed working and enjoyed relaxing for the rest of the day. Anyways, that night, I had this freaky dream. I don't even remember most of it, and I don't know if I want to. But, in the dream, I woke up and went to sunday school, sat through church, and came home and all of a sudden Sunday was over. I wope up to my mum saying, "Hannah, it's time to get up, take a shower." I was completely confused. I called out and said, "Ma! What're you talking about? Where are we going?" I really thought that I had gone to church already, and that it was Monday. Then, it hit me, it was all a dream. It was Sunday. I kinda felt redeamed in a way. I had today in front of me. All of a sudden, I had all of Sunday. It was like A Beautiful Life. I suddenly got my day back. My day to relax. Cept, that day, I wasn't feeling too hot. You know? It's this winter sickness. I've been sick for a month. Anyways, I went to church, was a little snappy at people, and of course felt bad about it. That's another thing, no matter how hard I try, I always get frustrated with people. And then I feel bad about it. It drives me crazy. Sometimes I think that I should just stop talking to people all together, if all I can do is get irritated with them. Anyways. I had the day to myself. the whole day. During Sunday morning sermon, I went down to the ladies room, not to take care of buisness, but to just sit in there for a while. Take a breather, if you know what I mean. During the sermon, there's never anyone in there, and it's nice to be alone for a couple minutes. Anyways, I decided that I'd sit down on the fainting couch they have in there, and I did. I plopped down actually. But what I didn't realize was that the couch didn't have a backing. I plopped down and my head smacked into the concrete wall behind it. It hit me. Literally. The Pain didn't come all at once, it just sort of welled up and then went away. After the Sermon, I got outside in the car and I got kind of terse with my mum and little sis. I wasn't feeling to hot, if you know what I mean. I felt bad about it. Anyways, my mum and little sis went went into the grocery store before we went home. I didn't want to go in, so I stayed outside. I asked my mum not to forget about getting me some coffee. She'd forgot the time before. She said she wouldn't and went in. I sat out in the car for an hour almost, just kinda freezing my butt off. I wanted to listen to the rock station, but then I thought about how I had been kinda terse and all, and I thought that maybe I should listen to something that would lift my mood a little so that I wouldn't be so touchy when my mum and sis came back out. I mean, the fact that I was tired didn't give me the right to make their days rotten. I was still feeling pretty bad. Anyways, I listened to the Christmas station. I used to have this thing about hating Christmas music with a passion, but I don't think it's so bad anymore. In fact I like it. I almost love it ever since I found out that John Lennon sings that song "So This is Christmas." I love that. Anyways, I was waiting for the John Lennon song to play, but it never did. It's almost like they're saving that song or something. Like they don't want to ware it out. I don't blame them. Plenty of good songs are ruined because they're over played. It's aweful. Anyways, The Beach Boys played a lot. I don't know, I never used to care for the Beach Boys, until all their christmas music started playing. I love their Santa Claus song. The one where they're talking about the little boy who get's up on santa's lap and smells bear on his beared, and then realizes that it isn't really Santa. It's sad, but it gives you that mentle image of that bum santa. I don't know, I just love it. Anyways, after an hour, my ma and little sis came out. After saying hi, I asked if they'd got the coffee or not. They hadn't and my ma looked like she was really kicking herself about it. And then I felt worse. I should've gone in an gotten it myself. And I shouldn't have been dissapointed that she forgot. It wasn't her fault. So I called out the window when she went to go into another store that it was alright, and not to feel bad about it. I smiled when I said it, and she looked releived. I felt kind of better. I might not have been feeling too good, but I could still have a good day. I might have thanked the Beach Boys, but I'm not that crazy. Anyways, I did have a good lunch. I was pretty much cheerful and all, and everyone seemed to be doing really well. In fact, it was all going great. So great, that I kinda just let the mood sink in that I was getting my break. I didn't have to worry about anything, or do anything. Just soak it all in. At about two o'clock, my mom tells me that I should go with her and my little sis to JC Penny's because she won't be able to get back in time to take me Small Groups if I stay home. I felt a little dissaponted. I realized that I wasn't going to get a break. It was another dissapointment. I tried to not let it bother me, in fact it didn't, because I ignored the feeling all together. I didn't want to go shopping though, so I asked if I could stay in the car. And I did, for an hour and a half. I listened to Christmas music, but also some other stuff, because I wasn't afraid of getting in a bad mood anymore. I was on this one station, and they said that David Bowie was coming on. I know the guy from a couple films. I'd never heard his voice, but I'd seen him act. So I stuck around. The song they were playing, sounded pretty lame at first. I was wondering if the guy should have stayed in acting, but then the song progressed. It was the faintest feeling, but I realized that the notes in the back sounded very similar to this Apocalyptica song that features the main singer form Rammstein. I forgot the name, and I don't want anyone to remind me. Anyways, my mom came out with my sister a little late, but that was okay, because they were both excited about the clohtes and all. I thought that was kinda great. I then went to small groups. I really like the small group that I'm in. The girls are great and so is our leader. They're all pretty great. But that day, the headache seemed to have been sinking in, because I couldn't keep focused on anything. I just kept fading out and stuff. Anyways, I got back out in the car, and I really did feel sick. I was kinda terse again. But not with anyone, just short tempered. I realized that I hadn't had anything to drink all day. I was seriously parched. Anyways, for the millionth time, Anyways, we went to pick up my older sister from her small group. My mom wanted to take her to JC Penny's too, so we went back there then before we went home. Like three hours before, I didn't want to go in, so I asked if I could walk to target across the road. My ma said sure, and I was off. My head ached, I say, it really did. It just ached. And walking through the parking lots as it just snowed and snowed...I don't know, it was all just very ambient. After buying a liter of Pepsi and a thing of coffee grinds, I went back to the car and sat there in the dark listening to this time the Catholic station. Drinking Pepsi, watching the snow fall, and freezing my butt off, I listened to the Catholic station, and kinda felt like I found God. I didn't of course, but it was a nice feeling. After a while of sitting there, I realized that that was the nicest thing I'd done in a long time. Just sitting there. For a total of four hours that day, just sitting in the car watching the snow fall. You know, they say, just stop. I always used to think that that was some kind of metaphor or something tellin you to relax, but no, just stop completely. Sit in a car for four hours, and just let it all pass by. I felt more relaxed after that than I have in a long time. It was just...better than great. I got home, and everything seemed great. And the great thing was, that it was. I don't know, if it takes you fours hours of doing nothing to figure out something, then it's worth it. Sometimes life isn't about working or even having fun, sometimes it's just about stopping and letting someone else do all that for a while. I know it doesn't make sense...

By the way, Apocalyptica did remake the David Bowie song. Just thought I'd let you know that.

Peace, everyone! (Especially to MnM-Chan. I missed you at church yesterday. )